Summer Loathing - Sitting out a Summer Event

This summer is looking up for the nerds as we've got Avengers and Dark Knight Rises, so there are at least two summer blockbusters that won't disappoint (because dammit Nolan could probably make Bat-Mite work honestly even if Bat-Mite was all CG and voiced by Eddie Murphy. Actually, I take that back; that would be fucking amazing...you know. Also, the new GI Joe can't be worse than the first one...right?). So as we've got the tent pole movies of every summer, we've also got 2 summer comic book events of every summer (down from 3 as the X-men and Marvel U general summer events are the same one for once) with AVX...obviously, and we've got the non company wide Before Watchmen. I'm thinking of sitting one out. As a borderline Marvel zombie, I will be following AVX as I really like the new energy that Aaron and Gillen have brought to the books. I read most of the Avengers proper because well they're generally engaging and like most comic book fans (I'm assuming from years as a fan and former comic shop employee that well people go apeshit for tie in books.) I'm a habitual completest. So pretty much, I'm not picking up anything I don't read for the tie ins, and I don't have to deal with the self contained tie in series that vacillate wildly in quality and relevance. So obviously, I'm going to be sitting out Before Watchmen (for the most part) and here's why.

#1 It's not a sacred cow thing.

Shouldn't Pig Pen be Rorschach?

Look, everyone loves Watchmen. I'm also going to put out there that the Watchmen movie was the best adaptation of a movie that never should have been made under any circumstances. What, it was engaging and the performances were pretty spot on. Sure, the ending of the movie was not the best, but I don't want to sit through another hour of movie because you have to add in the Black Freighter to add in the author of it and the island making that Cthulu thing (blah blah Architects of Fear- we all know; we're all clever; it's referenced in the book itself). So tangents aside, (what...dammit Bry) it's pretty much this - I revere the original work as everyone does; it truly is a nearly flawless work of sequential artistry. It deserves the accolades it has gotten. Yet as a nearly flawless, work there is one implicit caveat that must be accepted: it tells a complete story. Even if not labored about, we can see both explicitly and tacitly the character arcs that moved Rorschach from slightly disturbed costumed crime fighter (what you're putting on a costume to fight crime) to um Rorschach. The same can be said of possible homosexual Adrian Viedt and the rest. So off the bat, it's not because you simply shouldn't mess with a classic (even though it usually doesn't work); it's that I personally don't know if there is anything you could really add to the character arcs that would really clarify things or themes that could be expanded on that would provide new insight.

#2 Because prequels are so great?

In fairness, this was the same magazine that proclaimed that The Knack were the "New Beatles"/It's sad that only one of the three tragedies on this cover is still talked about today. (burn...me?)

I don't know if you guys remember Episodes I-III of a little indie franchise called Star Wars (Although Before Star Wars may be a better title). In the case of Star Wars while there may have been a genuine intent to add to the mythos of Star Wars - it kind of ended up a poorly thought out ancillary cash grab that did precious little (for me) than muddy my love of the franchise and waste 20-30 dollars over the span of a few years. Granted, X-Men First Class was awesome, but I'm not even sure that is a prequel to the earlier X-men movies (Although confusing and contradictory continuity in the films is kind of a wink to the comic book franchise). And the Watchmen prequel video game was a failure on literally every level (at least the demo I played). It was an uninspired beat em up that loosely followed a story line that was mentioned in the comics and not flushed out for the valid reason of irrelevance.

# 3 The creative teams will probably make me a liar and hypocrite though

Okay, so I'm probably going to at least flip through the Comedian and Minutemen books. What? Darwyn Cooke on Minutemen is a no brainer for doing the book itself. Azzarello and Jones on the Comedian... I love Jones but if you put Bermejo on it you can bank on people's fond memories of the Luthor and Joker books. At the same time though, I'm dubious of whether I'll actually purchase them or read them in the store (which as an employee for life of a local comic books store I am within my rights to do). So that's really it for that part of it; the creative teams are solid all around and under normal circumstances I would be inclined to read a book by them but unfortunately....

#4 It speaks to an unfortunate trend facing the modern funny book.

The kids don't like words in their comics that much. As is to say, I don't know why you need however many issues to tell the ancillary tales of characters that were well rounded with full well rendered arcs and rich backstories in 12 issues. Look, I do enjoy the decompressed wide screen comic book when done well. While I'm sure the talent assembled will put out top caliber work, it'll be divorced from the source material on the fundamental level that comic book writing has changed drastically since 1985-86. That's really it; the beast has changed in such a way that there has to be a fundamental story telling disconnect between the two. I feel that even though (sight totally unseen) these collected works will be so structurally different that even though they feature the same characters they may feel alien...or not.

As for AVX

The first issue was kind of meh because I had read at least half of it in the form of previews on the internet and other comic books. I mean I think like 4 pages of it were really new content to me. Also, a former comic shop employee pointed out that there was a conflict between #0 and #1 relating to the characters' reactions to the general destruction in NY. It also seemed that Ms. Marvel forgave Wanda really quickly (I will not speak to Children's Crusade...the internet has done that for me...I do enjoy that Jim Cheung though.)

As I've always been good at predicting the ends of summer events (I won a $50 bet on the end of Secret Invasion), I will now give a prediction based on a single issue and a tie in book.

1. Cyclops dies at some point

Like on Fringe! I hear. I liked the show, but my TV dance card is so full.

He's been kind of a dick of late. What? He has. Pretty much in these events someone has to die and logically speaking he's the most likely. Granted, I've been wrong before though. Part of me wanted to say Cable but he's died and gotten better during so many of these summer events. If it was Magneto, who would care really he's tied with Jean Grey on the dying and coming back thing (fact check?). Hope is on there but Phoenix and death and rebirth you know. While Wolverine would be...never happen ever. Oh, unless this new Capt. Marvel thing is an oakey doke and Carol Danvers eats it but why? So process of elimination leaves us with Cyclops.

2. The Phoenix brings with it Death Rebirth and... a soft reboot.

I'm hoping that there isn't a full on line wide New 52 reboot. Granted they did leave the Bat and GL books largely untouched which...just keep some consistency on some of the books I read and we'll see. I mean if anything the New 52 did get me to buy some new titles for 3-6 issues. So good job I guess. I don't know. It'll probably happen. If anything, your average comic book fan is your typical abused partner. We take our lumps. We vent about it (taking up lets say 5% of the internet), but we always come back. Although the numbers are nowhere near where they were 20 years ago, well, people have their limits on things - spider clone/ general shitiness/ 90's comics are great for beating up on- even if I did love many of them at the time and to a point. Anyway, it's probably going to happen, and I don't know if we'll have a Jean Grey School for Higher Learning or Jean Grey at a school for higher learning - although I'd doubt it.

#3 - Deus ex Grey

Commence Slashfic/ ready Boner Jams 12 countdown!

White hot rooms have to have doors right? And it wouldn't be totally surprising for someone to die at the end of an event and then get better (Prof. X - Messiah Complex). I mean he died (again) and came back 3 weeks later to little fanfare with walking legs and psychic powers in tow. Also, it seems to be a recurring trend of late to totally undo the changes made in an event after said event (Fear Itself .1 issues). So, pretty much the end game I predict is this: Cyclops dies stopping, something, that is keeping Hope and the Phoenix from merging. Hope does whatever, whispers "um, more mutants?" Phoenix obliges. Leaves/ is Jean Grey/ is all like, "sorry, bro." I would actually pay extra to see that be the exact dialogue.

# 4 - More Mutants

Because nobody demanded it! Actually, I've put Maggot through enough over the years. He could team up with Whiz Kid?

Why not? They're still pretty popular. And if anything there is a certain cyclical nature to the beast. It's also the only way to have one of these senses shattering everything changes events where, um, anything changes, aside from shit going all Days of Future Past. It makes sense on a storytelling level and just a logical level. Pretty much an Avengers win a battle/lose a war. Wolverine probably has a last second or mid event change of heart. Cyclops' heroic actions make Cap think twice about what have you. Everyone saves face/ characters are redeemed. Although, ideally the book ends with Storm, T'Challa, Luke Cage, Moses Magnum, and Misty Knight forming a secret black cabal called the Cluminati secretly ruling the Marvel U. And they call the period afterwards Darker reign or Candy Reign, I fucking love that song. Yes, that was my prediction for after Siege. Yes, I made that joke years ago on I want to say Myspace. Still waiting.

Actual Loathing- The Shortlist of Things that are irksome

As this is an apparently annually updated blog with loathing in the title, I feel the need to kvetch about something or other. In fact, that's the other key part of fandom: listen to sports radio, read a message board anywhere, you're on the internet; you know the drill. As this is relating to fanboy-ism, they will mainly related to the topic. They will be ordered arbitrarily, yet all will be filled with overlong invectives that downplay the unabashed triviality of these matters. Commence bitching.

Oh, Jesus, I hope this isn't the start of Gang Bang Theory

1 - Stop asking me if I watch Big Bang Theory



I find the show to be exploitative of "nerd culture" (itself a corporate synergy painted as some sort of warm and fuzzy collectivism). I don't think that many Americans really get the jokes about physics (I've watched maybe 3 episodes in my life, never by choice). More to the point...stop saying Ba-zinga at me when I make a funny. I'm half joking on that one. My main issue with the show is that in those 3 episodes the show, set in a world with only DC exclusive comic book stores, gets things so very wrong about comic books. That's it. It's that the show, and countless other products of its ilk, attempts to look at a sub culture in a way that is presented as warm and humanizing, yet at the same time, is obviously nothing more than a thrown together hodge podge of sub culture tropes. Much like a say Napoleon Dynamite the concept is about embracing the differences and quirks of the characters, while deriving much of the laughs at the character's expense for these same quirks that they are allegedly embracing.


The other main issue that I have is that they get everything so very wrong. Granted, much of my knowledge of these issues comes from my friend who's wife enjoys the show he brought one issue to light that we both took umbrage with: NO SANE COMIC BOOK FAN WOULD EVER ASSUME THAT JASON TODD WOULD BE THE NEW BATMAN. I really just don't know how you could get this so wrong; unless of course you had no prior knowledge of the situation. While I would not demand that anyone slavishly go through the extended Bat Family bible, I would expect someone to take five minutes to do a google search and maybe read a fan poll.

Look awkwardly at the ground if you haven't killed someone...really? Jesus that's messed up

2- Stop telling me about how much you love AMC's The Walking Dead

Yes, the performances are solid and the production values are good. My issues with the show are as follows: The pace is maddening; if you're a new character not played by Norman Reedus, I hate you; they tried to explain where the zombies came from; I preferred a lot of the characters from the book, and the ones on the television seem to make even more questionable decisions.






Mainly though, my issue is that The Walking Dead is a slow burn as a comic book. In the course of its decade long run, certain character arcs and plot lines recycle. Chief amongst these are 1) Hey we're safe here...oh wait we're really not. 2) Maybe we can trust these people..oh wait we really can't. 3) Don't ever fuck with Rick...ever. But the ting about the comic book is that it comes in a shorter dose time wise, as in you can read an entire arc in about the same time as you'd watch an episode. There are also far crazier plot twists, and I shudder to think how The Governor will be "Nerfed" due to standards and practices as his repugnance is integral to his character. At the heart of the issue though is that part of what makes the comic book compelling is watching these characters lose their humanity while also dealing with extremely graphic plot twists (face shootings and bun bun murdering). Frankly, I don't think TV audiences are interested in that, or May-December relationships. Also, I want Shane to just die already.



My work computer is not made for moving around pictures it seems

3 - It's a business... Why is that so hard to fathom?


Nothing irks me more than when people complain about their favorite pirated comic book title. At the same time, I am also bothered when people complain to no end about X book that they buy religiously being crap. Here's the thing: If you want to keep reading say...Captain Britain and MI 13 (still bitter), pony up the three dollars. If you hate everything Bendis, stop buying everything Bendis (unless the message boards have moved on to someone new...it's been a while..in which case don't buy that.) While the Watchmen prequels seem like a terrible idea, it's a smart business move for a summer non-event. The casual fan will see the trademark cover layout and go "ooohhh", and the cynical fanboy is at heart a habitual completionist who literally cannot stop buying comic books. Personally, I'm disinterested in Before Watchmen, but at the same time, it beats a summer event that ties into the New 52 books that I'm reading. It has fantastic creative teams though, so that counts for something. While Watchmen is the sacredest of cape and tight cows, it's not the end of the world. Sure, poeple can lament that they would prefer something new with these teams or possibly an experiment like Watchmen done with different discarded characters. At the same time though, the industry is in decline sales wise and the teeth gnashing and vitriol of fanboys also speak to an inherrent fascination with the product. It leads to trending on social networks and search engines which leads to hightened visibility of the product. The point that I am again belabordly making is this: if you ond't like something, ignore it. If you enjoy something, pay for it. Yes, I just wrote a whiny diabtribe about not going on whiny diatribes, but it's the internet, so I'm right.

4- Enough with the teasers for trailers

Yes, I watched the 10 second Avengers trailer teaser. Just like last year's Captain America trailer, it is the main reason that I'm watching the Super Bowl, as the Ravens are not playing in it (in which case I would be ungodly drunk on Patron by half time). Yes, I encouraged it by clicking, but there is something to be said for surprises.

5 - Having horrible things happen to your characters is not the only way to write a compelling comic book for adults.

Right off the bat, I am a fan of Mark Millar and Garth Ennis. I named one of the characters in my still in progress book The Skull Base Doom Cock for chrissake. I would honestly say that Preacher is my favorite comic book of all time. I also enjoyed The Ultimates and the first Kick Ass (and movie) and the list goes on for quite a while. At the same time though, half of Kick Ass 2 seems like character development through guignol. We've got to see children shot, and gang rapes, and the rest to get across the point. It's not that these things don't have a place in the medium. It is not a call for censorship. It's that can we get some sort of greater meaning frmo it? I understand that The Mother Fucker is evil, and it doesn't really get more evil than gang rape and shooting children. It's just that in a lot of cases it really seems that shock value is taking the place of compelling dialogue or characters. In the case of the Mother Fucker, his father was killed. In the first series, the Mother fucker nee Red Mist was a sycophantic nebbish, to a degree, that was seeking his father's approval. Dastardly, sure. Evil, fucking right. Gang raping child murderer, not so much. It's really that nothing in his initial character arc indicated this turn to, specifically, a child murdering gang rapist. I mean I would be fine with it if the character was occasionally, "This thrust duiring this gang rape is for you dad" or "I shoot these children for the glory of the (Italian Name)". Frankly, if I want to engage in fetishistic sexual violence and general non normative abohrance, I have the internet (and how!).


The same is doubly true of The Boys, due to the length of the series. At first, it was a novel concept: you take analogues for the majority of the "big 2's" and show them as unrepentant deviants. You take your team of chemically empowered regulators and violence ensues. THe only issue I had with it was after 50 something issues it was still the same thing. While the characters themselves that make up the titular group were interesting, it really just seemed that too much of the book was taken up by people getting pissed on. Which is fine, but it just gets old after a while. Pretty much, my issue is that, personally, I pick up the books for character development and snappy writing, which both authors have shown in spades throughout their decades long careers. If I want to see a Mary Marvel analogue get pissed on by the rest of the JSA, I will type that into google and then click on images. That's it. It's a chicken and the egg. For the record though, I thought that Young Liars did the whole constant jaw dropping deviance right, and the first Crossed was at least novel in showing the gimmick. Call me old fashioned, but demonically possessed pregnant 10 year olds get tiresome after a while. Unless they move the story forward.