Buzz's Girlfriend...Woof?
Anyway, Alvarez's Evil Dead, technically the second remake of the first film (as well you've seen Evil Dead 2, right?), got the job done. Yes, it's largely humorless and does not have that "screwball" *sigh* ethos and manic slapstickery. What it does have though is a taught 90 minutes of reverent gore. It truly is a modern version of the source material. I say this as (I am by no means the first person to posit this theory) the majority of modern horror films and reboots, baring the resplendent Cabin in the Woods, are humorless affairs more concerned with the severing of tendons, grandest of guignols, and are by and large less concerned with the bon mots of burnt up dream hopping murderers. By and large, that is the zeitgeist of the genre - largely humorless torture porn, although this film escapes being mere torture porn. However, while the remake, reboot, regenesis, Rerun Berry does not have the manic humor, it is not joyless. Simply put, this film grabs you before the credits; it makes you wince in that brief time, and you are sold when the hapless, expendable youths make it to the dilapidated cabin. This is of course assuming that you're a fan of the original or the genre or most importantly a fan of the screen being painted in swatches of blood, carrion, mung. You should not take this to mean though that the film is beyond reproach. Yes, you will wonder about the decisions made by the characters. Yes, some of the characterizations will seem rote; you will see some tropes, but it's a horror movie. Just go in, turn the brain off, wince, tell your friends, go about your day. You won't feel that you've wasted $11, and that is the highest praise of all.
The highest praise for GI Joe: Retaliation was that it was the second movie I saw on Saturday. Okay, a bunch of shit blew up. Some of the fight scenes were pretty cool. I like that Flint does parkour now. The Rock was The Rock; the plot was amazingly convoluted for being so insipid; a bunch of other shit happened; a bunch of people brought their little ass kids to the 10 o'clock; I remembered why I don't go to the movies downtown; I forgot most of the movie, but it was better than the first one... although I miss Scarlet as she was hot. Lady Jaye is hot too though, I guess. Much like Wooderson in Dazed and Confused there's just something about redheads. My predilection towards the fire crotch aside, the movie was resoundingly eh, serviceable but unremarkable in any real quantifiable way.
May as well I figured. For, you know, science purposes...boner science?
