It's awesome.
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Monday, November 19, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
My Suzy weighs a ton son carry it: The Man with the Iron Fists reviewed
So, I heard you liked kung fu movies... memes aside that's really the heart of the film. You're either in one of two camps when it comes to loving kung fu movies. A) You've seen Enter the Dragon and think it's neat. Well, of course you do. It's Enter the fucking Dragon. It's got actual production values, John Saxon, Mr. Handy-Man, and a peerless martial artist that can act, in English no less. Or maybe it's Legend of Drunken Master or some other kung fu movie from the upper echelon. If you fall into this camp, well frankly, the camp of The Man with the Iron Fists is not necessarily for you. As this movie is made squarely for those of us that fall into camp B, which as someone using the sobriquet of B I fall into. Those of us in camp B have slogged through literally every kung fu movie available. Our DVD collections are littered with ill advised purchases because person 1 in the movie choreographed or trained someone we loved in another kung fu film. IT is frankly a slavish devotion to the genre. It is akin to being frankly a kung fu zombie. IF you are consumed with an undying fever that can only be cured by jump kicks and terrible dubbing then The Man with the Iron Fists is your movie.
Not to say that it will not appeal to the casual fan of the genre, it may. Moreover though, it is made with the hardcore disciple of Shaolin in mind. The best way to describe it in terms is that it is an amalgam of humor and over the top gore, and that is all it sets out to be. It is in this simplicity that we find it. It is part grand guignol with elements of odd comedy and asides. It is not without flaws, but at the same time, if you are looking for a rollicking tale of violence and archetypes and bloodletting and ribaldry then this is your movie. Also, Russell Crowe is fat, but I would never say that to his face. It's a solid matinee choice if you're looking for an homage to this genre that you truly love. It's not high art, but there is an artistry to it's violence. It is the essence of the kung fu movie of wildly varying quality but with better production values. That's it. It's exactly what you think it'll be. Also, Silver Lion kinda steals the show, and it's obviously got the best fight scenes you'll see this year.
Because dammit why not?
Not to say that it will not appeal to the casual fan of the genre, it may. Moreover though, it is made with the hardcore disciple of Shaolin in mind. The best way to describe it in terms is that it is an amalgam of humor and over the top gore, and that is all it sets out to be. It is in this simplicity that we find it. It is part grand guignol with elements of odd comedy and asides. It is not without flaws, but at the same time, if you are looking for a rollicking tale of violence and archetypes and bloodletting and ribaldry then this is your movie. Also, Russell Crowe is fat, but I would never say that to his face. It's a solid matinee choice if you're looking for an homage to this genre that you truly love. It's not high art, but there is an artistry to it's violence. It is the essence of the kung fu movie of wildly varying quality but with better production values. That's it. It's exactly what you think it'll be. Also, Silver Lion kinda steals the show, and it's obviously got the best fight scenes you'll see this year.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Fine, More Star Wars - What's so Funny about Apathy, Your Childhood, and Cash Grabs?
When I was a wee lad, I loved a certain trilogy of films. I also had contemporaries with a predilection for paste in those days too. I mean while I was a clever child I was still, at heart, dumb as shit. Now, while I'm not going to say that the Star Wars franchise of films at the time were dumb as shit, I will argue that the combined opus of six films is, as continually groused about on the internet since restarted in 1999, kinda assy. Look, let's cut it to brass tacks here: the prequels are shitty movies. Now, I have never been accused of a lack of sentimentality. Hell, this sentimentality, or hoarding as it's called by some, almost got me on Comic Book Men (I may have overestimated my efficiency at keeping accessories when I talked to central casting, pointless story for another day.). THe point that I'm laconically making is this: George Lucas already fucked our childhoods. The mythos of Star Wars, while engaging in it's original form, could not stand without our warm fuzzy feelings. While some of the ancillary properties that it has spawned since it's inception have actually been pretty solid in my estimation: Knights of the Old Republic, the Rouge Squadron series, the Gendy Tartikovsky Clone Wars films etc, they work mainly because of the talents involved. This point is backed up, frankly, by the number of times that it has not worked: KOTOR 2, the prequels, a lot of the ancillary material, every other Star Wars book, Masters of Teras Kasi, etc.
If you throw in a keyblade, I'll have kittens.
Moreover, at their heart, the original trilogy of films worked because they captivated our imaginations by combining the tropes of samurai films with the sensibilities and settings of classic serials of Lucas' youth. Moreover, it is not the story that made Star Wars iconic; it was how it was told and how it makes you feel. IT is comfort food on celluloid, frankly, and comfort food always has gelatin in it. I'm not trying to marginalize the tale or the characters, as your connection to them is what fuels this and they are vividly rendered on the screen; it's that the story and themes are some of the most well worn in history. But it is a tribute to the filmmakers that this tale in particular of the force and gay robots revolutionized popular film and became an iconic part of the last fifty years of Americana. Pretty much, the original trilogy should be lauded, but somebody already took a big messy dump on your childhood and continually whipped and milked a dead horse for much of the last fifteen years. So why worry? Who really cares? No matter how many times they futz with the original trilogy you'll know that Han shot first; Jabba is only in Jedi, and the Max Rebo band is not fronted by a fraggle or whatever.
So look, the well has been dry for a while. I mean while compelling for three movies that's all the juice Lucas could get out of them, before forcing me to spend thirty dollars watching inert tech demos on opening weekend during the late 90's/00's. At the same time there is hope. And that hope has been mentioned as when in the hands of competent talents there is a life and vibrance within this universe, but this ain't the fucking be all end all. It's a universe with like 8-12 well realized characters that are at their heart still archetypes following a logical heroic arc, but they're our archetypes that we grew up with. While the intricacies of the Jedi, the tech, and the geoplitics of it were compelling, um fucking midochlorians are a thing that happened. I mean the reason that we keep coming back to Star Wars as individuals and a culture is that we loved Star Wars. Lucas knew that, and Disney knows that, and there are still stories to tell within that universe, but we will always go anyway no matter what, but maybe they'll get someone who can wring some life out of it. We've seen it done before, and we've seen it bungled on every level, but who cares? We'll always have the Star Wars that we loved no matter when Greedo shoots or how many ancillary and contradictory scenes of mobile Jabba that they edit in but not on Blu-Ray, but you can't win them all. So don't worry; your childhood has already been vigorously sodomized for the purpose of fattening the coffers of Kenner and Taco Bell. We survived because it's a series of movies that you loved when you were 8 or 18 or 38 or legally dead and nothing more, and some pretty good video games and some cartoons of wildly varying quality. And who knows, maybe these movies will be competently directed or actually have a plotline that can justify the creation of a new trilogy or not feature so much walking and talking and terrible decision making and filler, so much filler, and old timey racism and characters doing neat fight scenes that in a sense invalidate the fight scenes of the original given that Obi Wan is seen flipping around in the prequels and then has an awkward ass sword fight in A New Hope and sure he's old but Count Dooku was old and doing flips in the second and third prequels, and Vader building C-3po, and Obi Wan knowing R2-D2, and Yoda knowing Chewbacca which none of them ever bring up because this was obviously not planned out in advance.
And that's it really. I don't care that they're making new Star Wars; I've seen good and bad ones. Just cherish the good times. And who knows, maybe they'll be good. If not, they're fucking movies, and you've got real problems, probably. God knows I do. So that's it. Your childhood got banged; we're all going to give up the cash, and who cares really? Also, Disney pretty much let's Marvel do their thing, so I mean you don't buy a company to savage it.
Moreover, at their heart, the original trilogy of films worked because they captivated our imaginations by combining the tropes of samurai films with the sensibilities and settings of classic serials of Lucas' youth. Moreover, it is not the story that made Star Wars iconic; it was how it was told and how it makes you feel. IT is comfort food on celluloid, frankly, and comfort food always has gelatin in it. I'm not trying to marginalize the tale or the characters, as your connection to them is what fuels this and they are vividly rendered on the screen; it's that the story and themes are some of the most well worn in history. But it is a tribute to the filmmakers that this tale in particular of the force and gay robots revolutionized popular film and became an iconic part of the last fifty years of Americana. Pretty much, the original trilogy should be lauded, but somebody already took a big messy dump on your childhood and continually whipped and milked a dead horse for much of the last fifteen years. So why worry? Who really cares? No matter how many times they futz with the original trilogy you'll know that Han shot first; Jabba is only in Jedi, and the Max Rebo band is not fronted by a fraggle or whatever.
So look, the well has been dry for a while. I mean while compelling for three movies that's all the juice Lucas could get out of them, before forcing me to spend thirty dollars watching inert tech demos on opening weekend during the late 90's/00's. At the same time there is hope. And that hope has been mentioned as when in the hands of competent talents there is a life and vibrance within this universe, but this ain't the fucking be all end all. It's a universe with like 8-12 well realized characters that are at their heart still archetypes following a logical heroic arc, but they're our archetypes that we grew up with. While the intricacies of the Jedi, the tech, and the geoplitics of it were compelling, um fucking midochlorians are a thing that happened. I mean the reason that we keep coming back to Star Wars as individuals and a culture is that we loved Star Wars. Lucas knew that, and Disney knows that, and there are still stories to tell within that universe, but we will always go anyway no matter what, but maybe they'll get someone who can wring some life out of it. We've seen it done before, and we've seen it bungled on every level, but who cares? We'll always have the Star Wars that we loved no matter when Greedo shoots or how many ancillary and contradictory scenes of mobile Jabba that they edit in but not on Blu-Ray, but you can't win them all. So don't worry; your childhood has already been vigorously sodomized for the purpose of fattening the coffers of Kenner and Taco Bell. We survived because it's a series of movies that you loved when you were 8 or 18 or 38 or legally dead and nothing more, and some pretty good video games and some cartoons of wildly varying quality. And who knows, maybe these movies will be competently directed or actually have a plotline that can justify the creation of a new trilogy or not feature so much walking and talking and terrible decision making and filler, so much filler, and old timey racism and characters doing neat fight scenes that in a sense invalidate the fight scenes of the original given that Obi Wan is seen flipping around in the prequels and then has an awkward ass sword fight in A New Hope and sure he's old but Count Dooku was old and doing flips in the second and third prequels, and Vader building C-3po, and Obi Wan knowing R2-D2, and Yoda knowing Chewbacca which none of them ever bring up because this was obviously not planned out in advance.
And that's it really. I don't care that they're making new Star Wars; I've seen good and bad ones. Just cherish the good times. And who knows, maybe they'll be good. If not, they're fucking movies, and you've got real problems, probably. God knows I do. So that's it. Your childhood got banged; we're all going to give up the cash, and who cares really? Also, Disney pretty much let's Marvel do their thing, so I mean you don't buy a company to savage it.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Flute Loop-er - Movies Rock the Nation.
And we're back again with gloriously bare film critiques. This past weekend, there was Looper. It was a movie. People really seem to enjoy it. Personally though, the one thing I noted when the film was discussed was the parallels with the film Drive that were being made. Yes, both films shared a similar release schedule, both were pot boilers, as my grandmother may have called the, and most strikingly, neither film is the one advertised to you.
As Drive was advertised, and notably litigated against, it was to be a taught, um driving centric, action film. That movie though, should have been given the far more accurate sobriquet of CurbStomp or Elevator Beatings or Ryan Gosling is Beat Takeshi in etc. The same is true of Looper. It is not so much a time faring action thriller in the form of a literal battle of one's self, but a well crafted meditation on causality, with time travel. Unfortunately though, it is impossible really to discuss some of the movie's finer points without totally excavating the movies twists and finer points. So, in brief, I cannot in good conscience tell you not to see the movie. It's worth the movie dollar. It has an interesting presence, solid performances, and it does some terribly nifty things with time travel in the first half. However, here is what I can say negatively. The second half features a plodding, languid pacing to it that I found to be wholly disengaging, as the eventual reveals (relating to the well everyt6hing is spoiler redacted) are ungodly predictable. I mean I can't say who is doing what and how and why but you will know how it plays out when that starts. One would not need to ruminate on narrative structure to figure out the whys and hows; it just is. That's really it. So, pretty much in summation: totally worth the money, has a great taut introduction, then proceeds to not simmer during the second half, nor boil over; it just is. Then it ends, and you're like that was pretty cool I guess. Not the movie I thought I was paying to see, but still a solid flick. Also, you get used to the Joseph Gordon Levitt prosthetics, and they didn't really take me out of things. So, yes, Looper pretty good; fire bad.
As Drive was advertised, and notably litigated against, it was to be a taught, um driving centric, action film. That movie though, should have been given the far more accurate sobriquet of CurbStomp or Elevator Beatings or Ryan Gosling is Beat Takeshi in etc. The same is true of Looper. It is not so much a time faring action thriller in the form of a literal battle of one's self, but a well crafted meditation on causality, with time travel. Unfortunately though, it is impossible really to discuss some of the movie's finer points without totally excavating the movies twists and finer points. So, in brief, I cannot in good conscience tell you not to see the movie. It's worth the movie dollar. It has an interesting presence, solid performances, and it does some terribly nifty things with time travel in the first half. However, here is what I can say negatively. The second half features a plodding, languid pacing to it that I found to be wholly disengaging, as the eventual reveals (relating to the well everyt6hing is spoiler redacted) are ungodly predictable. I mean I can't say who is doing what and how and why but you will know how it plays out when that starts. One would not need to ruminate on narrative structure to figure out the whys and hows; it just is. That's really it. So, pretty much in summation: totally worth the money, has a great taut introduction, then proceeds to not simmer during the second half, nor boil over; it just is. Then it ends, and you're like that was pretty cool I guess. Not the movie I thought I was paying to see, but still a solid flick. Also, you get used to the Joseph Gordon Levitt prosthetics, and they didn't really take me out of things. So, yes, Looper pretty good; fire bad.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
And we're back... I guess. Short ass Movie Reviews.
After an interminable hiatus fueled by apathy, malaise, booze, outdoor activities, templar conspiracy, duck sauce, etc. I have returned to mildly amuse the majority Russian, odd, readership of this blog. As such, on to the briefest movie reviews imaginable, but not really, of films in current release and those relegated to bargain theaters, due to my reticence to post.
The Expendables 2
It's a bunch of old dudes walking with guns. I mean it's what you expect it is to the tee. Whether it is winking satire of action genre tropes or not is entirely subjective. But yes, every traditional action movie note is hit. Not to give too much away, but the cues for plot development are all there. When a character says he's two days from retirement, well you know what's coming next etc. With that said though, the affability of the characters is there based on them playing to these archetypes, but they are archetypes that the actors themselves originated in some cases. With that said though, the movie felt a touch rote at times. However, that is not to dismiss the performance of one cast member in particular: Jean Claude "Mother Fucking Van Damage" Van Damme. In my opinion, he steals the thing in every way imaginable. But, I'm wildly biased as a fan of Van Damme. Wildly I say.
Dredd 3D
First, I would like to thank the marketing genius behind the synergistic cross promotion of Dredd 3D and Les Miserables. I know, personally, that before I watch an hour and change of 3D rendered testosterone I want to hear about how singing live on set freed up Wolverine to really get into the character of Jean Valjean. Also, when we're recasting the X-Men franchise can we get a Wolverine that does slightly less musical theater? While I like Hugh Jackman as an actor, sometimes dammit I don't want to think that "I'm the best there is at what I do...which is high kicks and harmonizing."
Anyway, go see Dredd 3D. It's pretty much The Raid: Redemption with Judge Dredd. Which if you haven't seen The Raid, um you should, is a compliment. But yeah, it's true to the characters, visually interesting, other movie poster platitudes, violent as hell, enjoyable popcorn cinema. Dude keeps his helmet on as well. Also, there is no Rob Schneider as comic relief. It is not a patently ridiculous affair. It's just a Judge Dredd movie. That's a good thing. Also, Karl Urban brings the detached, robotic, wry fury. Olivia Thrilby works as Judge Anderson and could get it. So, that's good. All in all worth your movie dollar. The 3D was totally worth the extra 4 dollars for all of the flying blood, sparkles.
The Expendables 2
It's a bunch of old dudes walking with guns. I mean it's what you expect it is to the tee. Whether it is winking satire of action genre tropes or not is entirely subjective. But yes, every traditional action movie note is hit. Not to give too much away, but the cues for plot development are all there. When a character says he's two days from retirement, well you know what's coming next etc. With that said though, the affability of the characters is there based on them playing to these archetypes, but they are archetypes that the actors themselves originated in some cases. With that said though, the movie felt a touch rote at times. However, that is not to dismiss the performance of one cast member in particular: Jean Claude "Mother Fucking Van Damage" Van Damme. In my opinion, he steals the thing in every way imaginable. But, I'm wildly biased as a fan of Van Damme. Wildly I say.
Dredd 3D
First, I would like to thank the marketing genius behind the synergistic cross promotion of Dredd 3D and Les Miserables. I know, personally, that before I watch an hour and change of 3D rendered testosterone I want to hear about how singing live on set freed up Wolverine to really get into the character of Jean Valjean. Also, when we're recasting the X-Men franchise can we get a Wolverine that does slightly less musical theater? While I like Hugh Jackman as an actor, sometimes dammit I don't want to think that "I'm the best there is at what I do...which is high kicks and harmonizing."
Anyway, go see Dredd 3D. It's pretty much The Raid: Redemption with Judge Dredd. Which if you haven't seen The Raid, um you should, is a compliment. But yeah, it's true to the characters, visually interesting, other movie poster platitudes, violent as hell, enjoyable popcorn cinema. Dude keeps his helmet on as well. Also, there is no Rob Schneider as comic relief. It is not a patently ridiculous affair. It's just a Judge Dredd movie. That's a good thing. Also, Karl Urban brings the detached, robotic, wry fury. Olivia Thrilby works as Judge Anderson and could get it. So, that's good. All in all worth your movie dollar. The 3D was totally worth the extra 4 dollars for all of the flying blood, sparkles.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The World Ends with Cruise - The quickest movie review ever- Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
I enjoyed it. Tom Cruise runs a lot. He's pretty fast for a little fellow. The action scenes were inventive and well put together. I also enjoy Simon Pegg; Paula Patton is very attractive; Jeremy Renner doesn't get on my nerves. He gets on some people's nerves apparently.
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