In my time of tenuous employment I have taken a fancy to Valve's Left 4 Dead. While it may not be a graphical powerhouse there is a certain magic to the the multiplayer in my opinion. I am seldom called the N word while in a lobby, and I am seldom called the F word mid match. Which is refreshing given my long career ruining afternoons in the Halo franchise. My only problem with Left 4 Dead is simply this: one competent player can never eclipse three shitty team members. With that in mind I have decided to write a brief FAQ on how you can, frankly, not eat a dick, metaphorically, at the game. Seriously, this is how you can not suck at the game...if you're willing to admit that you suck at it. Which is okay. I know I sucked, some, when I started.
Survivors
1) And this is easily most important thing: use your fucking headset. It's there for a reason. It seriously enhances the experience. Far moreso in the typical FPS becuse the point of the game is surival and not kills.
2) Leave the goddamn saferoom. The faster you get out the less time the infected have to prepare. Also, the whole irritate the other team by just staying in the safe room ploy really just irritates everyone involved. Lose gracefully and use the time that you would spend bitching out to play another game, hopefully more successfully.
3) Run fast, but not so fast that you lose your team. Yes, you can die in that safe room by yourself if someone has the sense to wait in there for you. And more survivors always beats more distance run. It should be a no-brainer really, but you'd be aghast at the number of times I see this happen. Either someone is too far behind to get saved or vice versa, with being too far ahead. And the game isn't called Left 3 Dead, now is it?
4) Don't lollygag. You're going to give the enemy too much time to spawn, and you're just going to irritate the hell out of me, frankly. Yes, searching for items is helpful. But those items are usually in a fairly set number of locations. Memorize those locations. And besides, you can't use those pain pills if you're downed.
5) The best way to survive the horde: corners and melee. If you're getting overwhelemd back into a corner and melee for your life. It actually is that simple. It also works on hunters...the melee I mean, and it demoralizes the infected player too. But, in seriousness, melee will work ninety percent of the time.
6) Also, remember those hiding spots for the Tank (behind the elevator, up on that debris in the hospital, anywhere with a chaingun...), and set him on fire before you do anything else, it will make everything easier. And for the love of god: don't go by the gas pumps. I have seen so many games fall apart from people either A) taking on the Tank in a small space or B) running by those fucking gas pumps. They explode, you die, I live and get annoyed for the thirty seconds before I get jumped and die as well. Follow those basics, learn your routes, learn the shortcuts (which I really don't feel like listing...just if you notice someone doesn't suck and is taking lead follow them and learn their route) and you'll be fine.
Hunters
1) Jump from heights. It does more damage, they don't see it coming and it looks cool if someone else sees it. And it's a good way to earn the respect of your teammates and peers.
2) When in doubt claw. If you're getting slapped around with the melee go for the claw. They will beat you to death if you go for the pounce. And the claw does more damage...inexplicably
3) If they are melee heavy players: land on their backs. You can either try a wall bounce or just run away and regroup. You'd think this would not need to be stated, but I've seen it happen a number of times.
4) And this goes for all classes of infected: just like with the survivors everything works better if you're all together. And secondly: always, always, always gor the stragglers. Everone should know that though.
Boomers
1) Don't forget the claw. You've got it and you can usually get in a hit or two if someone's back is turned.
2) Remember to play blocker. If someone is on top of a survivor block their teammates. The worst that will happen is that you get bile on the injured party and expidite the dying process. And you'll by your teammate a couple more hits.
3) Start with the downed. You would think that would go without saying, but it needs to be repeated. Pretty simple, right.
4) There's nothing wrong with suicide bombing if you can make it work...and if you can't you'll respawn in thirty anyway, and it's a video game.
Smokers
1) Go for ledges: stand over them. And you're harder to hit. Pull the survivors off of them and they take more damage. I could get into more detail, but really the key to smoking effectively is angles. You want to get the most hits possible and the best way to do it is to find a good angle.
2) Don't get over excited: you're not going to outrun the survivors, you don't really get that much damage on a one or two hitter. So, you're really better off laying low and waiting for your team to respawn. That's really it: be patient and pick a good line of sight and you'll be fine.
Tank
1) Most importantly see red. If you hit a survivor with a car that's an instant down. Forklifts, support beams, it's as effective as throwing a chunk of ground and way faster.
2)Seriously, focus on colors. Go for the wounded first...they're slower and one downed is going to make everything far easier.
3) Be patient. Nothing is worse then watching a Tank freak out and just chase whoever is closest and die without getting anyone downed or dead. Seriously, there is little worse then watching a Tank squander their shot without seeing results.
4)Avoid fire and go for the ledges. You take more damage when you're on fire, obviously. You hit someone off a building or ledge and they die. This is pretty simple sit, no. And if you follow all of these incredibly simple tips you'll do slightly better.
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