Comic book reviews 3/11/09...god I need a new full time gig.

Current mood: amused

So, part time enployment is driving me mad. Hence, more rambling about comics...to help ease my ever so fragile psyche. And here we go: now with slightly less vitrol and bile.

Young Liars #13 - Good god. I would liken this book to the worst acid trip you have ever taken, or what it must feel like to slowly go mad from syphillis. And I mean that as the highest compliment. Every month David Lapham takes a shit on my soul and vomits in my mind grapes in the most fascinating way. Seriously, this book is incredibly entertaining, and proper fucked up. Challenging and bizarre, dense and thoroughly enjoyable. I've been reading it for over a year and could not offer a real explination of what has been going on with any real certainty.

Special Forces #4 - I'm torn. The writing and characterization in this book have been spot on. The art, before this issue, was the caliber I expect from Baker. But, I'm so very torn on the Suda 51/ Jet Set Radio style visuals here. Something about the 3-D mapping is a tad off putting to me. Also, this book was hampered by lateness, and my inability to keep track of my books so I was a tad in the dark on the plot, but it's a fairly easy one to put together. I'd say it's a buy, though.

Walking Dead #59 - It is a credit to Robert Kirkman that he has managed to keep a serialized zombie book going this long. Seriously, I did not think that the whole Zombie Apocalypse thing could be this gripping for five years, but I was wrong. Entertaining as ever. Even if it's an incrimental moe in the overall plot. Good shit. Go read it from the start. The man does the unthinkable every five issues.

The Stand: American Nightmares (1 of 5) - It's good. Solid art from Perkins. Damn fine adaptation. I was never that into the Dark Tower books and haven't read a Stephen king book in oer a decade, but The Stand was laways my favorite. I think I actually enjoy it more then the ABC mini (and it's endearingly dated special effects) and that's saying something.

And now onto the traditional cape and tight fare. And the bile shall flow.

Captain Britain # 11 - One of the best things to come from the Secret Inavasion. It's like the Excalibur of old, and the Wisdom mini had a baby. All around entertaining. Hopefully the guy doing fills won't stay around forever, but that aside, it's as entertaining as ever.

Booster Gold # 18 - A few months ago I realized that I was only buying this book because of my love of JLI. It's not god awful, but at the same time I never really feel a tingle of excitement to read it. It's a decent read, but I'd probably drop it if I was paying full price (or money) for books. Non-commital as ever. It's a solid 6 -6.5.

Batman: Battle for the Cowl: This book sold out incredibly quickly today. After reading it...I'm not really sure why. It doesn't really cover anything terribly new that hasnt been repeated ad nauseum in the core bat books: Batman gone. Gotham fall apart. Character look longinly at cape and cowl. And scene. I mean it's not that bad and, in fairness, it's the first issue so it'll probably pick up. And Batman's on my pull anyway so it'd be more of a hassle to drop it. I don't know. It's not god awful, but kind of underwhelming. Jason Todd Batman looks kind of cool looking in a 90's way. Look, it's going to be Dick Grayson. It has to be. Nothing else really works. Tim Drake is just too short. It too is in placed in the 6-6.5 zone.

Invincible Iron-Man # 11 - Go buy it. Says it all really. Stark is like movie Stark. The plot is fast moving and sweeping. And Fraction found a way to make Maria Hill likable. And LaRocca uses John Locke as a model for Stark.

Green Lanter Corps #34 - Thoroughly above average. Consistent art and characterization mixes with a lead in to a hopefully non-shitty summer event. If Blackest Night is as good as Sinestro Corps War then right on. Although this whole zombie lantern thing scares me on a cash in level. That's really it. And I also hope they don't try to mash the rainbow of colors into too few books. We'll see though. Geoff Johns doesn't usually fuck up and the Corps team is consistent as ever. I wouldn't feel stupid for paying cover for this book.

Guardians of the Galaxy #11- Even the B and C story lines in this book are pretty entertaining. Always a good choice. Even without Pellitier. (I know I butchered the spelling.)

Nightcrawler: Manifest Destiny - Even though I love the character...it's kind of underwhelming. The intor and outro are cute. The overall museum premise is cute, but the whole "I look like a monster and people judge me for it, but I'll rise above" plot line is the premise of every other book spotlighting the character. That's really the problem with the book. This story has been told with this character countless times. That's really it.

Iron Fist # 23 - I am amazed by how well this book has surived the regieme change. It's still a solid read every month. And as this is a month I will be reading it. Even if it has gone all Yu-Yu Hakusho. I always liked Yu-Yu Hakusho so it works.

X-Men Noir #4 - Talk about dropping the ball. Not that the ball was very high mind you it has still been dropped. Look, this is the problem: Firstly, you have to throw in all of these characters. Because it's cool to see them in noir setting. And you've got to throw in Unus the Untouchable because that would be a great name for a mobster. And Gambit. People go apeshit for Gambit...for some reason. I think it was the cartoon to be honest. Certainly wasn't all the hot pink. Anyway, the problem with casting this wide of a net is that the plot twists in the final issue ring hollow. I have no real investment in these characters. Thusly, I don't find the revelations all that shocking. Or really care for that matter. Also, my lack of connection with said characters means I would not have even noticed the ticks towards these plot twists in the first place. And, frankly, one of the big reveals is from, well, I'm not going to spoil it, but fuck it nobody reads this...it's from The Prestige. Which is kind of lazy. Good start. But it fell under it's own weight really.

On the Lost blogosphere and LeFleur (while I'm already doing this)

"Man, I can't fucking believe this: same shit happens to the same guy twice." - John McClaine (Die Hard 2: Die Harder)

Simply enough I'm starting to grow tired of an alarmingly growing trend. I will post something here. Two weeks later I will go to one of two "Lost" fansites that I frequent. I will see the exact same thing I posted here on my blog recapitulated with less stylistic verve and casual swearing. More to the point: Will you dirty cunting fuckers throw me a credit for this shit? Seriously. What you are all doing is morally questionable and dishonest and just plain lazy. And I know you'll see this when you're surfing the web for interessting theories on Lost or someone to do the cognitive heavy lifting for you. Or you already know to come here when the well gets dry. So in closing, I'm not going to stop my meager postings. And, I'm going to stop bitching about the intellectual theft that permeates the staid writings of the "Lost" blogosphere. I just want you to know that I know. And I want you to know that I know that you know that I know. And I want you to know that I know that you know that I know that this Kill bill vol. 1 joke doesn't really fit in (I mean the Zoe Bell connection is a weak one...I really just thought that this would be a funny way to end it.)

And onto LaFleur. So first thing is the Miles as Marvin Candle's baby theory really gained some legs. Here's why: I went to BuddyTV's Lost Easter Eggs (Shocking someone credited another source) and they said that it was interessting that Miles' fake Darhma name was Enos because Enos is the son of Seth who was the rival of Horus. So, thusly I think that it's a pretty interessting clue to both a coming enmity betwixt Candle and Horace, but also that Miles is the progeny of Candle.

And hey, they showed the statue...which is probably Horus (yet again BuddyTV). So, the ancient egyptians then. Makes sense when you think about it seeing as many fringe anthropologists have stated that there may be some extra-planetary connection between the pyramid building cultures of central America and the Egyptians.

They stopped the time jumps. Nobody is more thrilled about this then me. At the same time though...retcon much? Okay, big thing here is this...how in the name of sweet fuck all are we supposed to be alright with the fact that there has been a picture on the island with Sawyer, Jin, Jack and the rest for the past thirty odd years and nobody has said "Hey, aren't you that guy from the picture?" But hey, it worked in "The Shining" (the movie...obviously...go read the book though...it's actually scary...keep in mind I haven't read it in fifteen years so my opinion may be jaundiced by nostalgia.) Just saying is all.

Sawyer and Juliet: Works for me. Also kind of interessting, as it goes with the shows mythos and themes of role reversal in relation to the island and the outside world, that the two people who were in pretty darn dysfunctional relationships off island (con man/ perennial other woman) could make it work on island. Although hopefully doesn't pull a Kate and opt to attempt a reconnection with Kate. Because Kate will never love Sawyer for who he is as Jack will never love Kate for who she is.

Baby Charlotte: Math don't work... unless she was lying about her age. Or the island made a time jump while she was on it...actually that's probably going to happen when they breach the wall and build the Orchid station. And then everyone ends up in their appropriate time again, possibly. Which probably happens in the finale or beforehand.

The pace: far more ginger since 316 aired. Really glad they didn't drag that out. Still curious as to why Hurley got on that plane though. Maybe Libby will show up. God willing.

Sawyer and Alpert: Good shit. And hey, finally the original characters are back to doing the outwitting again. When oh when do we get the Alpert flashback episode? I mean, dammit, this is the one character I desperately want to get answers for and...nothing. Although the eye-liner/ statue of Horus connection are already starting to percolate in the mind grapes. (ancient Egyptians...eye liner...read a book.)

So, the real question: Why is Sun in the present? I'm just curious is all. Oh, and why did Abadon go out so easily in last week's episode? I mean you build this guy up. You have him showing up periodically as this enigmatic figure and then gun shot. And by that same token: If Widmore knew to send Abadon to encourage Locke to get on the flight that put him on the island in the first place...why wouldn't he put some of his people on it? As in, the guy knows all of this shit to push Locke onto the plane. And yes, I know it's because there was no Charles Widmore before season 2, but you could even work that as a slightly more digestible retcon. And then they're all like Rose is the mole. (cue sound effect)

Lost Seasons 1 & 2 on Blu-Ray: Well played. They found a way to make me by the same DVDs twice...again.

That's about it really.

Watchmen review. With all the CG blue wang you can handle.

The main difference between 300 and Watchmen is the source material. While, "300" the graphic novel was alright, Watchmen is the greatest super hero comic ever written. Period. More to the point I went into 300 thinking, "Trailer looked pretty awesome." And the movie was pretty awesome. I went into Watchmen thinking, "God, I hope they don't fuck this up." So, onto the review. It was pretty good. I prefer the squid, but the squid adds another half hour to the plot and, inevitably, a lot of people yelling about the old writer and the old Indian lady. Anyway, as a whole it's pretty entertaining. And it's about as faithful as you can get within the span of a two and a half hour movie. I would be curious to see how well the plot goes over with someone who has never read the graphic novel. As far as how easy it is to follow, and how sensical everything seems. Aside from that I'd say it's worth your 8-10 dollars. No, it's not goig to change the world. And no, it's not going to do for film making what the graphic novel did for comics, but I never expected it to. So, all in all, go. You could do a lot worse. And now, for the fanboy griping Massive Spoilers Ahead. If you've never read the book. Which you should do. Firstly, and I think this says a lot about our modern society, it is way more brutal then the book and nobody smokes in it. Just think about that for a second. While Steve made the valid point that it sells the intesity of the hits: I still felt wierd about the rape scene being all 300ish. Also, while I didn't really mind the slo-mo that much certain parts, like the Comedian throwing the cup in the beginning, seemed a bit much at times. Kid Rorschach needs to put the cigarette out on that kid's eye in the flashback. I always thought that was hardcore. Captain Metropolis is conflated into Ozymandias in the Crimebusters '68 meeting. It makes sense for the point of pacing, and they keep a lot of the original dialogue. I'm still a Metropolis loyalist. Also, the board does not say "Black unrest". Silk Spectre 2 is a tad more vanilla in this version. I don't know. I always read her being a bit more contrary and desperate (Obviously when the go'vt gives her the boot) in the book. Also, wanted more of the Rorschach back story. I know Kitty Genovese has been a plot point in other films (Boondock Saints), but it worked in the book. I missed the street characters, but it wouldn't have worked out with the length. I know. I also missed the two enigmatic bald asian guys that Viedt left to die in his bubble lair. They NEVER refer to themselves as the Watchmen in the book. I get it though. You'd then have a bunch of fuckwits in the theater screaming "Ah, they named the movie after a fucking metaphor. This is bullshit." There can never be enough Bubastis. And in closing. Thank you for dropping the time hops Lost. And go see the movie. You'll like it. Probably.

Lost and comics. More bitching, one post to go to.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Current mood: blah Let's start with the Lost. Still entertaining on a week to week basis as far as the writing of dialogue, the self referential nods and the overall pacing of the show and creation of a unified feel. (Now, on with the polemic.) But...how do I put this...when did this show turn into fucking Doctor Who? Yes, time travel was cool in those Desmond episodes. No, it is not cool that the whole show is fundametally the same thing. How do I put this...OVERUSE OF TIME TRAVEL AS A STORYTELLING DEVICE WAS INTEGRAL IN THE DECLINE IN QUALITY OF HEROES. I get it that from a writerly stance it is always better to show in lieu of telling. And yes, it's cool that the characers are playing an active role in the storied island backstory that we have been waiting for 5 years to get, but it gets tiresome when it is used 5 times an episode. But this ties into my main problem with the overarching story of the show. This is that theory: The show's endgame and major plot points were formulated in the break between seasons 2 and 3. As in, the creators did not have a concrete plan except for vague, loosely supernatural elements, until the start of Season 3. But Bryan where's your evidence? Simple. It can be found in the miniseason that started season 3. The proof: Jin, Sun and Sayid's discovery that the Others had built a fake shanty town, were purposefully wearing tattered clothes and fake fucking beards. That simple bit is an example of the sloppiest and cheapest cop outs I have ever seen. It is an afront to the intelligence of the audience, and a testament to the skill of the creators that they made it fly...sort of. And the simple fact that so many elements that were prominent in Season 2 were totally dropped. Where's Kelvin? What about the all important black light map? What about the statue? Also, why would they get Dharma food drops if every last Dharma member, pretty much, had been dead for 15-20 years? Charles Widmore goes from minor character, in Season 2, to driving force on the show? All of the tailies, except Bernard, died? (I know that one was based on real world logistics, but still got to throw it in.) Henry Gale running the show? (Yet again, I know it's because he's awesome and tests well and has really given the show legs.) The other proof: the wildly varrying theories about Lost. Granted, good writing is always open to interpretation and speculation. And Lost is a damn good show. Wouldn't be writing about it if I didn't enjoy it so much. But, points of diergence when reading Flannery O'Connor is usually looked at as going to route A and B. Lost theories went all over the spectrum. And that is because at it's heart for the first two seasons the show was, at it's heart, an engaging character driven show with vague supernatural undertones. What I'm saying is that the authors left things vague intentionally so there could be a way out, no matter which direction they went in. And yes, the defenders always say, what about the skeleton's in Season 1? But, at the same point the conjecture that they were pre-existing characters. It had never been explicitly stated. There was no real inkling of time travel. And in fact, the only character who really addressed these phenomenal issues was the faith based Locke. As there was no character to represent the psuedo-scientific the fact that the show went so far in that direction seems a departure. (Yes, most of the theories are based on actual quantum physics, but we don't have time machines so I'm going to call it psuedo-science, also because things I don't fully understand frighten me.) More to the point, time travel didn't really come up in Seasons 1-2. We had mysterious viruses. We had some hatches and some mysterious virus that was brought up, but that didn't effect the castaways and went back into the ether. Granted one could say it was the time traveling virus, but...THERE WAS A VACCINE. But, at the same time, it could be argued that the inital plans of the creators are being honored through the time travel arc. As in they had these overarching plans involving the Dharma Initiative and its characters. They realized that wouldn't be compelling for a full 3-4 seasons. So, they found the most entertaining way to stretch it out to reach a potentially similar ending. So, yep, that's really it. But, at the same time, one has to applaud the character's for making it all work as well as it does. Few shows have sparked this rabid a fanbase in years. Few have taken a serialized drama with an ensemble cast, supernatural bent, real world logistics and created a product that holds together as well as the show does. So, yep, I'm just saying that I think things changed drastically between seasons is all. And rightly so, the original character's didn't have more then 2 seasons worth of juice to pull off entertaining flashbacks, with the exception of John Locke and Hurley, kind of. (Wait, Sawyer is pulling off a con, but in the end his heart and inate decency win out. Kate is on the run and it spells doom for those around him, but saving those around her is why she is on the run in the first place. Jack's perfectionism and need to solve problems lead to his own undoing...) Still one of my all time favorite shows. Just saying. Oh, and as for Season 5 theories...I don't even know anymore. Locke's obviously coming back. Ben is probably going to kill Penny. Desmond's going to have to go back to the island so he can go back and save her. (Because the rules don't apply to Desmond, as repeatedly stated) Also, one does have to wonder about the logistics of Ms. Hawking, the ring shop and her being an actual person with a son instead of some temporal being as originally posited by most. Kind of wonder why they got a guitar (probably Charlie's), Christian Shepard's shoes, a federal marshall and the rest, but neglected to get, you know, Walt. Who was on the fucking plane. (yet again, real world logistics I'd imagine.) I mean because Ben can get Hurley out of prison in 24 hours, but can't get a kid away from his grandmother. I'm just saying. Good show, I get there are real world concerns, just felt like pointing something out that I noticed. And now me bitching about comic books. Good day Lost fans. Okay, so I noticed something last week. Amazing Spider Man #583 is going to be the best selling book of the year hands down. It stole the tunder from Batman dying, sort of. It's got five printings of Obama variants. It is alsohandily one of, if not the, worst books of the year. Seriously, the back up story is writen for an 8 year old. And not a bright 8 year old at that. I don't know says a lot about the direction of the industry if you ask me. The other thing I noticed was this: The worse the event book the better the pay-off. Think about it the main Civil War book is hands down a better read then Secret Invasion in every sense of the word. The pacing is better. While I like Leinil Yu a lot I fucking loe Steve McNiven. And while Secret Invasion had some good moments and a great first issue: Civil War held it together for all seven issues. But, The Initiative fall out of Civil War got stale after 5-6 months. I mean it pretty much just followed the Civil War formula in every book of pro and anti reg talking about the other side's position being flawed. Dark Reign, on the other hand, looks to be pretty darn entertaining until 2011's Darker Reign. Moses Magnum, M'Baku, T'Challa, Cage, the Gauntlet, Storm and the rest form the Cluminati and take over things. Yes, I made a DJ Clue joke, go look him up, he was pretty big in the late 90's. If that's case though the new Ultimate line up should be awesome. Because the main Ultimatum book is kind of ass. Good, art, decent moments here and there, but it really just seems to be floating by on David Finch, staid writing and the shock value of offing so many prominent characters. Aside from that it's really nothing new. Magneto threatening the world with a pole reversal end game has been done two times, and better, in the last ten years (New X-Men and Ultimate X-men). I mean, I'm assuming that the endgame is pole reversal because it always is when it is a big Magneto story. Quick comic notes: Stop charging 3.99 for books when the book is half (title character name) Saga. It's misleading. And it encourages people to go through the whole book in the store to make sure that they're getting a full issue of new content. Yet another mild slap in the face of the loyal fanbase, business is business, nature of the beast, stop internet bitching, make your voice heard with sales, which will never happen, misplaced male aggression typical fanboy shit, I know . Final Crisis should have been longer, and I don't believe the line that there weren't massive re-writes to the last issue. Firstly, Mandrakk shows up in the Superman Beyond 3D and like the last ten pages of the book. Aquaman, seriously, he takes up probably a whole of 2 pages in the whole book and it is pretty much a simple "Oh, and Arthur Curry is back too" kind of thing. It started very strong and just fell apart at the end. It felt rushed. And it seemed to be massively re-written. Mainly because of the total drop in cohesion from issue 1-7. Mainly 5-7. Should have been like 9-12 issues. Secret Invasion should have been 6. That Savage Land shit got stale pretty quickly. And, no, nobody was fooled by Skrull Rogers. Stil, fantastic first issue. People actually called in to the store to talk about it. Kick-Ass: the Bollywood version. It's going to happen. I have sources. Indian sources. Less gay prostitue subplot (don't fly in India) more singing and dancing. Dark Wolverine ongoing. Terrible idea. Daken is a weak, me too, kind of character. Like we didn't have a good 30 some years of brooding fly off the handle regular Wolverine. Also, I'm still pissed that Sabretooth got killed off after he became entertaining again in Mike Carrey's X-men. Spider-Man. Dropping the fucking ball again. Character Assasination is easily the worst arc in recent memory. Harry Osborne's girlfriend...Menace...really. Jackpot...some chick...really. I don't know, more misses then hits lately. But, it's fucking Spider-Man and...what am I really expecting here? Reason I don't bitch about the indies is well...you can buy the one's you want. They're self contained. Typically...better. And have more casual swearing and ultra violence to distract you when they aren't that great. God, I need to start working more again. Peace.

Instead of getting a real job...I'll post on Lost. Oh, with the massive theories and spoil

Current mood: sleepy

I'm tired so I'll make this quick. But, you get to read this a full three weeks before it'jnjnjns posted elsewhere. By a different person with a Doc in his name. You know who you are. Make the checks payable to Bryan Preston. You guys have my mailing address on file. Also, I am in no way stalking TV's Terry O'Quinn we just happen to go to the same groccery store and Starbucks.

Anyway, onto the theorizing and proable spoilering (I'd put probable in the heading, but then you wouldn't read it. You've already navigated here and it'll take a second to load a new page so you may as well finish. You're already here.)

Why can't people have babies?: Well, as we saw there was a new born, asian baby who would be about thirty by the events of the sohw. I'll get to that. You can figure it out already. Yup. Him. Anyway, why was he the last baby born on the island? Well, when the stray time particles, or whatever, the baby had already been born. Why is that significant? As the energy, as we'll call it, was released the island became disloged from time. Previous events could not be changed. Persons, and dogs, could enter and interact and events could happen. They could leave, but they could not be created on the island. And the reason that women cannot carry children to term on the island is because new life cannot be created on the island. Items can enter and events can happen, but because the island exists independently of time...i think you get where this is going.

That age appropriate Asian baby: Its Spike from X-Men 3. It's fucking Lost. You don't show an asian baby without it coming back.

Where's Jin?: Its Lost. You aren't dead until a body is in the ground. Granted sometimes the body is alive when it goes in, but that can't happen every week. Anyway, Jin probably got fished out of the water...by the crew of the Black Rock. Why? Because it's a fucking awesome idea. And...it's Lost.

Ben and the butcher: The first rule of project mayhem is that you do not talk about project mayhem. I'm just saying. Glad to see what's her name from the Leviathin again though.

Who were those guys Locke Killed?: The rest of Rousseau's team of course. Good to see that they actually went nuts though.

Frogurt: Glad he's taking a permanent vacation in hell. YOU CAN'T ADD NEW CASTAWAYS. IT DOESN'T WORK. GLAD THEY KNOW THAT NOW. SQUIDBRAINS. I DO LOVE THE BOATIES THOUGH. THAT WAS A GOOD CALL.

Farraday's mom: The woman from the ring store/ time matron/ the chalk machine with the time gap. Kind of a gimmie.

Who called Brenda Walsh's dad on Kate?: Probably Sun. She's going to need someone else in on the plan to kill Ben. Also, you'd probably need to know about the island to know that its Claire's baby. So that shortens the list. Unless its Widmore, but he doesn't have as much motivation to get Kate on the run with Ben.

The Compass: Great moment. Makes you wonder if Alpert was testing kid child John Locke, last season, to see if his conciousness had somehow shunted into his child form after Locke's death or due to the time unsticking. Also good call with the pointing north. And the Yemi and the yeah.

Kelvin, the four toed statue and the smoke monster: I have no fucking new ideas. ninja turtles. Time travelling ninja turtles that have statues made of them. I don't know. But I'd like to.

WAAAAAAAALLLTTT!!!!!: Do they write it like that in the scripts? Just curious. I guess he might go back. It explains the three year time jumps repeated inclusion. And who wants to bet that they return to the island right around when they left. On a side note. But, I'd like to see him back.

In closing, I demand more Jeff Fahey. Peace.

Soon to be seen three weeks later on another Lost fan site under someone else’s name

Current mood: apathetic

So, first and foremost: the man on the boat. And I'm not sure why I don't see this posted everywhere, in fairness I don't really look that much, but look Michael is Ben's man on the boat. Think about it logically, they keep talking about it so you know that there has to be some sort of payoff, and frankly, the only logical choice would be Michael. He's the only person that has left the island. When he left the island I'm fairly certain that Ben told him to follow the heading exactly to find rescue. Which is pretty much what Faraday tells Lapides when he took off in the copter two weeks ago. Hence Ben knowing about the boat. I don't know, seems a little obvious/awesome (big on the Perrineau)

And now on to the star attraction, the time issues, so, right. As succinctly as I can put it there has always been some disparity between the island's time stream and the rest of the world. When the fail safe went off this field was left totally unrestrained. This probably exacerbated the disparity between time flows and such. Most of this has to do with that, well, when Desmond turned the key he traveled through, what was it called? Fucking time. That's what. It ain't perfect, but what the hell. And then there's the other thing.

So, Christian Shepard is in the cabin and a dead Alan Seward show up in seasons 4 and 3 respectively. This would lend some credence to the alternating time fields or my super bitching conscious island/lost boys theory. As in Jack and Locke's character defining daddy issues serving as the catalyst for some sort of bastard resurrection. But, I don't feel the need to be redundant so I'll drop this tangent now.

In other side news, part of me wonders if the island/Jacob/Falcor is playing John Locke for a fool and that in the end the innocence of that shamanic manchild/grenade for breakfast lunatic will provide the entity that is the island with it's salvation. Just a thought. But of course what posting about Lost, or any beloved cult TV show would be complete without a little good natured bitching.

Firstly, can we get some fucking answers with all this crazy? I don't need all the big shit at once, but damn could we find out what the fucking smoke monster is, with his silly face. Or the four toed statue. Or why in the name of all that is holy would the Others would go through the trouble of putting on fake beards and living in a fake society. (Because in the season 3 premiere Ben didn't go, "and while you're at it everyone put on your fake beards and go live in our make believe shanty town in case there are survivors." ) And it's not like it would fool Ben's pursuers as Miles pointed out in last week's episode with his don't talk to me line (which did kick some ass). Are we ever going to hear anymore mention of Kelvin (of the all important and super irrelevant dharma map, and wouldn't someone have put a stop to the psych experiment after 15 years if that's the reason that none of the hostiles investigated the whatever station, but at the same time would you leave a space time continuum threatening cataclysm up to chance for a psych experiment that was being executed by the very people that you purged off of the island)? What exactly were Roussaeu's team doing on the island if Ben had already purged the island, that may be a time line issue or maybe I've just forgotten (which is totally plausible.)

Anyway, in closing I still love the show. I mean anyone that spends an hour writing about a TV show obviously must feel some sort of affinity for it. And, part of me does secretly wish that when I watched porno that the end of the episode sound effect would play during the money shot. (Just think about it for a second...If you don't think it's funny then you're fucking repressed.) Oh, and I bet that either this season or whenever the oceanic six do get off of the island that they show up 2-7 episodes later all fucked up like in their respective flash forwards (except Kate shockingly enough. Baby stealer that she is. I mean I guess it probably means that Claire's dead, but it'd be interesting character growth if Kate stole a baby. ) I'll stop it there.

Man, Heores is fucking up.

Current mood: quixotic
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Okay, so unfortunately my arch nemesis at a certain entertainment magazine that is released every seven days, but shall remain nameless may have already beaten me to the punch. Anyway though, I felt that it was my duty as a churlish layabout to comment on the sad state of affairs at NBC's once entertaining story of costumeless supertypes. And, so I'm just going to lay it out there. First problem I have with the show: they seriously have like six powers on the show. Seriously, it's season two and we're already seeing new people that can fly, a new regenerater, a different telepath and Veronica Mars with lightning powers when Peter can already shoot lightning; albeit unconvincingly. My point is this: is the well already dry? Seriously, even the semi-new powers have already been done before: we've got a girl who can remember everything and a chick who can do anything she sees on television. It just seems a little bit convenient is all I'm saying.
The next area of concern is of course: the dumbfuck plot lines this season. Oh, Hiro's in ancient Japan and he's about to come back to the present until...wait for it...continue waiting...an ad for Medium... oh, right Hiro...so he could come back to the present, but he changes his mind. Peter has a box that they keep advertising that contains his past. He then gets the box and then...wait for it...you get the drill...this joke wasn't funny 30 seconds ago...right, then he decides to not open the box for two episodes so he can make out with some chick with a high school production of My Fair Lady caliber accent. And don't even get me started on Nikki and Paolo and their journey to America. Oh, and that brilliant bit of casting where they replaced the kinda hot, but with a definite tranny vibe from Stick It with some red headed woman because she left to do reaper and explained it that she had a new identity. I'm not even going to get into the silliness of that. Fine I lied. THERE WOULD BE NO LOGICAL REASON FOR HER TO BE USING SOME DIFFERENT PERSONA WHEN SHE'S IN A FUCKING HUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RAINFOREST OR WHEREVER. AND WHY DIDN'T SHE REVERT TO A FATTY WHEN THEY KNOCKED HER OUT IN THE SEASON 1 FINALE. Fuck, Blerg, Fuck.
And then, my god there's the actual use of the powers on the show. So lame. Especially the new flying bits with Hayden, I'm not even going to bother trying to spell her last name, and the funny looking emo kid. Actually, look at her facial expression during the first flying scene and try not to laugh. If you don't laugh, I don't know, you probably think David Caruso is under-acting. Anyway, there's that...um the 619 (but no West Coast Pop or dropping the dime, oh there goes my credibility, but if you get that joke doesn't that make you just as guilty of...nevermind?) Let me think there's the awesome shapeshifting by way of Jason Wyngarde and the fart noise that accompanies it. Um, there's the super awesome blurry cam speed beating of Mother Petrelli and so on. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say with this is that if it looks stupid don't do it. Or find a way to show less of it and imply more of it. And it's not like all of the effects are bad...just like 45-50 percent plus of them.
But wait there's more. My other gripe would of course be how they got rid of all of the ancillary characters in between seasons. And while none of them were particularly interesting, with the exception of DL, it's just a bit abrupt is all. Like the end of this paragraph.
Anyway, what they need to do is maybe find some compelling storylines (I mean you're already using The Legacy Virus why not another mid 90's favorite from the house of ideas?). Rip off cooler uses of the powers (I'm not going to do the lifting and spell those out here...Also my nemesis waits and watches and reads.) Oh, and more Ando. In closing, I'm going to say this now: Yes, I do think that I could do better. Not like anyone cares or who matters will read this, but sometimes you've just got to say it. So, yup Heroes is fucking up. And, yeah it's way worse than if that Lost mini-season had a baby with Nikki and Paolo (He just finds the hatch and leaves some jewels in the toilet...blerg) Later.